Get up, stand up, Stand up for your rights. Get up, stand up, Don't give up the fight

Get Up Stand Up -  Bob Marley and Peter Tosh.

This past couple weeks has felt just like that - a fight.  A fight to move through the bureaucracy of the medical system, receptionists, overworked medical personnel, time, emotions - you name it.    It has been many weeks since my pathology report reflected that I have high grade cancer which among other things means potential for faster growing and earlier spread.    I know that there are still cancer cells in my body and they are doing just that - growing and possibly spreading - so needless to say somewhat anxious about any delay in starting the next stage in the battle to stop them.

I've drawn on friends and resources - all that has been offered.  I called and called the Dr.'s offices and clinics, sent e-mails to them, met with a few of them and walked into the office without appointments to get answers.  I've left tearful messages and vented to any health professional who would listen (apologizing profusely afterward of course).  Things are moving but it seems to be only at a glacial speed.   Each minute now seems like a countdown.  I hold such hope in every phone call and visit with the Dr.  

I'm treading on thin ice between pushing every button to get results and pissing off the medical professionals that I need to have on my team to get me through the fight.    I don't like being the bad guy or the troublesome one but at the end of the day I don't really care if they like me - if I get the treatment I need and deserve.  

In this process I have some wonderful allies - inside and outside the medical system.   All who are cheering me on, sending me powerful thoughts, and most importantly giving me insights and connections that keep my energy flowing.  I've found an advocate who can speak for me when my energy wains or have lost my ability to break the boundaries.  Thank you!  Thank you!

It would be so easy to give up and sink deep into the emotions.  I'm not ready to go there but it grabs hold now and then leaving me with moments of feeling powerless.  

Tomorrow I hope - no I will demand - to get a timeline to start treatment.   If only I could make the minutes pass more quickly until then.