I'm tired of waking up tired, waking up tired, yeah, waking up tired

Tired of Waking Up Tired - The Diodes


My kids have gotten used to this little song of mine - well, of The Diodes.   I mindlessly chant it day and night in various tones and whines.   Well, I think I chant it - at least I know that it is constantly playing in my head.   Good thing the song has a fast tempo so just thinking about it gives me a bit of a jolt of energy.  

So, how tired am I?   Did I always feel like this but never recognized it?

I've tried to judge my sense of fatigue by doing check-ins now and then throughout the day.     So my day would start with waking up at a decent hour - 7 or 8 am after a 8 or 9 hour sleep.   Pretty good start to the day, right?    So I wouldn't shock my body into energy flow, I'd listen to the local and national news so I know what happened while I snoozed.   From there, the usual bathroom routine, dressing based on any planned activities for the day.      Downstairs to eat breakfast - a necessity now since the hormone therapy puts me into an immediate state of severe nausea if taken on an empty stomach.  I'm told that this will fade but not yet willing to test the waters.    Then feed the dog to ward off any whining.    Ok.   First check-in and my body says that it's ready for a short nap.   Really?  

So I fight that one off and instead get a few e-mails done, check the banking situation and pay off a few bills.    Maybe some fresh air will change my energy level.  So, drag the dog out the door rain or shine for a walk and perhaps a few errands nearby.     Home again and now I'm definitely ready to plop my butt on the couch.

I can push through all the fatigue and carry through for a few hours straight in the day but a few hours in, I'm dreaming of the couch, my bed, a comfy chair to doze off in.   So my new routine is to save up my energy for what is to come about for the day.   Stockpiling enough juice to get me through without my body or mind fading out midstream.

I recognize that all this is due to the cumulative hits that my body, mind and spirit have gone through over the past year.    It's all catching up with me.    It's kind of like all those cookies that you eat one by one through the year, thinking "one cookie can't hurt' and then you look down and see the extra tire above your waist band and know that they cumulatively amount to enough to feed an elementary school.    

The next month I give to myself as my recovery month.  My doctor and treatment appointment load is less onerous.  I will take the time between naps to start to recover my body and strength.    

But for now, the couch is calling me.