When I began the process of diagnosis and treatment, my life was filled with a lot of hellos. There were new doctors, specialists, nurses, laboratory staff, clinics pharmacists who would all support me through my treatment and healing. I am now moving to the goodbye stage as I close off relationships with these individuals. But not completely.
I've started to sign off, let go and, with good fortune, eventually say goodbye to my oncologist. I only meet with her or her alternative every 6 weeks now instead of the previous visits every 3 weeks. Over the next 5 months that will wean off to every couple months or so, then semi-annually, etc. The hope being that at my annual visit and 5 years I'll receive the coveted "all clear" report. That will be a goodbye that will really feel good.
At my last appointment with my radiologist at BC Cancer was hopefully a final check in with her. As she left the room she kindly said "Goodbye. I hope I never see you again". In the world of cancer, that's considered a blessing from a specialist. A sign that they are happy to be closing your file. In this case, goodbye feels like "Yeeeehaaaa!!! Successful treatment and excellent prognosis."
However, once again, it seems that when I just feel like I'm completing one healing process, something else comes up. If you need a refresher please refer to my post on August 26 - One thing leads to another.
The radiation aggravated the healing from my surgery, opening up a wound along my incision. That means that just when I thought my surgeon's work with me was over and he was about to close the file, I'm seeing him again very regularly. Yup, we're now a steady item. I'm beginning to think he doesn't want to say goodbye to me at all.
As a result, I will be saying hello again to the wonderful nurses at the ambulatory clinic to have my wound dressed and monitored. I saw them for 8 weeks - 2 or 3 times per week following surgery. It's like the wound on my head that was stubborn to heal has now moved down to my chest. Same size, shape and dimensions. Kind of weird really. I'm a bit worried that it will pop up somewhere else once this current wound heals. It's like a little 'post-it' note that I can move around my body. I guess eventually IBM's wondrous glue will wear out and the 'post-it' note won't stick any longer. That will be the sign when I'm really healed.
The surgery also causes some atrophy and tightness of the muscles in particular the shoulder. So that's a hello to my physiotherapist for weekly exercise instruction and IMS (intramuscular stimulation -deep acupuncture to the tight or locked muscles). It's not for my needle shy friends but I have a past relationship with IMS and love it!!
At times I feel like am stuck in a revolving door, hello /goodbye and not quiet certain whether I'm in or out. Am I finished treatment or still going through it? Has my body made the decision about whether it has healed from the last 12 months of treatment? Can I expect to sign off with my treatment providers soon. Time will tell. In the meantime, I apologize for my ambiguity about where I stand in the stage of my treatment. Maybe it would be easiest to adopt the Hawaiian approach. Aloha means both hello and goodbye. It works for me!
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