Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd
I'm now 3.5 weeks post surgery. The scars are healing remarkably well and quickly. It's hard to believe at times that I went through such a major surgical experience. Sometimes I want to forget that I went through a major surgical experience but I'm still allowing my body time to recover.
The funny thing about surgery was the lack of pain afterward. I really felt very little discomfort for the first couple weeks. The biggest annoyance was the drains under my arms to allow the body fluids to escape and the incisions to accommodate them. There was the bruising but I don't consider that to be pain per se. Beyond that, my chest area was covered in light bandaging to protect the incisions and felt like nothing. Well, there now is nothing there, so I guess that's fitting. The nothingness feeling is due to the numbness following surgery as the body recovers and the nerve endings start to regenerate. That will take time, perhaps months.
What does that feel like? It's like the numbness from dental freezing....only my whole chest. Really weird considering with breasts that used to be a very sensitive area. Today I received my little pin prick tattoos for radiation. I didn't feel a thing. With that in mind, maybe it's a good time to get a full scale tattoo on my chest. Any suggestions?
Slowly as the numbness fades (is that a line in a song? If not, it should be) I get the bruising feeling in my lower rib cage. It feels like I ran into a wall or had a good collision on the soccer pitch. It's nice to feel something even if it is bruising. However, as I wait until everything recovers, I have become comfortably numb.
Monday, 22 September 2014
Monday, 15 September 2014
Slow down you're doing fine, you can't be everything you want to be before your time.
Vienna - Billy Joel
The past 6 months have been a rush between surgery, treatment, good days, bad days, surgical adventure and recovery. I need to now constantly remind myself to slow down and take the time to recover. It's like giving myself permission to let go, ask for help and delegate. I like to think that I'm getting pretty good at it.
I'm still recovering from chemo - feeling the cumulative energy drain but happy not to be knocked down again every three weeks with another treatment. I'm also recovering from surgery - more of an energy drain then I had considered. My little midnight adventure in the hospital didn't help at all either. There are up and down days now that I measure by the length of my walks or tasks accomplished.
My sights are now focused on the end of this journey but won't rush myself through the process. I will take the time for my body to receive and recover from the treatment. There's still quite a bit to come my way. The next treatment on my plate is radiation - 3.5 weeks of daily treatment likely to start 2-3 weeks from now. From what I have been told that is another energy zap. From there is hormone therapy - another potential roller coaster ride but we'll take that as it comes. I'll forewarn if I'm riding through emotional swings.
The good news is that I'm healing well. I'm feeling good about my surgery choices. I like to pat myself on the back about getting this far without having any major set backs, colds, or other illnesses. I was trying to convince my oncologist that there should be an award for that but it's not in the cards. I apologize if I raised any alarms with my surgery posts. Looking back I guess it might have been a bit overwhelming.
Another good sign is that I am now gaining back hair. Sadly my legs are the first to show signs but I now have a five o'clock shadow now on my scalp as well. I'll follow the pace of hair growth as a good reminder of the speed that I should pursue on recovery - slow and sure.
The past 6 months have been a rush between surgery, treatment, good days, bad days, surgical adventure and recovery. I need to now constantly remind myself to slow down and take the time to recover. It's like giving myself permission to let go, ask for help and delegate. I like to think that I'm getting pretty good at it.
I'm still recovering from chemo - feeling the cumulative energy drain but happy not to be knocked down again every three weeks with another treatment. I'm also recovering from surgery - more of an energy drain then I had considered. My little midnight adventure in the hospital didn't help at all either. There are up and down days now that I measure by the length of my walks or tasks accomplished.
My sights are now focused on the end of this journey but won't rush myself through the process. I will take the time for my body to receive and recover from the treatment. There's still quite a bit to come my way. The next treatment on my plate is radiation - 3.5 weeks of daily treatment likely to start 2-3 weeks from now. From what I have been told that is another energy zap. From there is hormone therapy - another potential roller coaster ride but we'll take that as it comes. I'll forewarn if I'm riding through emotional swings.
The good news is that I'm healing well. I'm feeling good about my surgery choices. I like to pat myself on the back about getting this far without having any major set backs, colds, or other illnesses. I was trying to convince my oncologist that there should be an award for that but it's not in the cards. I apologize if I raised any alarms with my surgery posts. Looking back I guess it might have been a bit overwhelming.
Another good sign is that I am now gaining back hair. Sadly my legs are the first to show signs but I now have a five o'clock shadow now on my scalp as well. I'll follow the pace of hair growth as a good reminder of the speed that I should pursue on recovery - slow and sure.
Tuesday, 2 September 2014
I want a new drug
I Want a New Drug - Huey Lewis & The News
Through the process of surgery and recovery I was provided with multiple regular tylenols every four hours day and night for a period of 4 days. The intent was to allow me to relax and sleep. So, by the time I was home, my body had forgotten how to fall asleep on its own. I spent the next two nights and days wide awake - aching to fall asleep. Counted sheep, counted down from 1000 by 2's, 5's and 10's, ran through the lyrics of every Bruce Springsteen that I knew. Sleeplessness continued.
I was begging for something, anything to make me sleep but not leave me drugged. It's a fine line there as I don't manage pain meds very well. A consult with the pharmacist provided limited relief and a few hours of sleep one night but a grand headache in the morning.
Next up, a recommendation from the community health nurse checking my drains (probably another blog entry). She suggested a natural health product taken just before bed. She mentioned she got it on Commercial Drive. Interesting. Lots of powerful stuff found on Commercial Drive. So I tracked some down. That night I slept; I dreamed; I woke with a fresh mind. I was hooked! Three more nights of the same stuff with deep REM and I was back in the land of the living. I've now come full circle and I'm now 'off the stuff' and sleeping normally.
I know, I've not told you the name of the product. I'm not a specialist, not trained medically or in the ways of natural products and therefore can't recommend it so broadly. However, in case you are concerned, I will confirm that it is completely legal in all provinces and doesn't require any special trips to Commercial Drive. There's nothing particularly funny about this 'drug'.
Through the process of surgery and recovery I was provided with multiple regular tylenols every four hours day and night for a period of 4 days. The intent was to allow me to relax and sleep. So, by the time I was home, my body had forgotten how to fall asleep on its own. I spent the next two nights and days wide awake - aching to fall asleep. Counted sheep, counted down from 1000 by 2's, 5's and 10's, ran through the lyrics of every Bruce Springsteen that I knew. Sleeplessness continued.
I was begging for something, anything to make me sleep but not leave me drugged. It's a fine line there as I don't manage pain meds very well. A consult with the pharmacist provided limited relief and a few hours of sleep one night but a grand headache in the morning.
Next up, a recommendation from the community health nurse checking my drains (probably another blog entry). She suggested a natural health product taken just before bed. She mentioned she got it on Commercial Drive. Interesting. Lots of powerful stuff found on Commercial Drive. So I tracked some down. That night I slept; I dreamed; I woke with a fresh mind. I was hooked! Three more nights of the same stuff with deep REM and I was back in the land of the living. I've now come full circle and I'm now 'off the stuff' and sleeping normally.
I know, I've not told you the name of the product. I'm not a specialist, not trained medically or in the ways of natural products and therefore can't recommend it so broadly. However, in case you are concerned, I will confirm that it is completely legal in all provinces and doesn't require any special trips to Commercial Drive. There's nothing particularly funny about this 'drug'.
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