Head and shoulders, knees and toes

Head and Shoulders, knees and toes - Unknown

It started with my head.   When I had my mastectomy I took the opportunity when under the knife to have another bump removed.   It was a sebaceous cyst on the crown of my head.   My hair covered it but required a lot of explanation to hair stylists.    It was actually painful at times and always required it's own dose of sunscreen.    I had it for over 10 years and frankly was tired of it.   But it wouldn't leave without a fight.   After the surgery, the wound split open.   I spent 6 weeks going for biweekly care at the ambulatory clinic.   I was happy when it was finally healed and I could shower letting the water flow freely over my head.

By the time the head healed I was well into my radiation therapy.    All went well there but just after it finished a wound opened up on my chest along my surgery incision line.   A bit of a stretch but this is the shoulder section of the song.    Again, back to the ambulatory clinic for biweekly care.    That lasted 3 months.   I joked at the time that I wondered where the wound would move to next imagining a large, open wound on my thigh.

Not two weeks after my sign off with the clinic, my right big toe started acting up.   Possibly an ingrown toe-nail - based on my own self diagnosis.  At first I thought it was nothing - might give me a week of discomfort but nothing further.  But by week two I couldn't wear any footwear other than open toed sandals.   Fortunately it was February and I was Vancouver so that was actually possible and common to see.   Another two weeks of foot soaks and I was able to slap on any shoe I wanted.   I'm done I thought.   But no - it wasn't ready yet - it moved to my left foot.    It is a great excuse NOT to get back into running but really?   With no place to go next, I take it as a sign that the healing is moving through my body.  

Any illness is a whole body experience.  It can't be fully isolated as it affects every part of your being - from you head to your toes.   I take it as a sign that all negative flow is slowly exiting my body, making it's grand exit through my left, big toe.  I just wish it wouldn't take it's time doing so.

Woke up, fell outa bed, dragged a comb across my head

A Day in the Life - The Beatles

It was a sign.   Once the comb actually did it's work - well, at least tried to - I knew that I had crossed a barrier.   It was time for a hair cut.

I booked an appointment with my usual hair stylist feeling somewhat embarrassed to walk into the salon with already extremely short hair - although hair with no style whatsoever.    As I sat there relaying my story to the stylist (who had apparently also lost her hair to breast cancer a number of years back) I felt a relief; a crossing over.   I was shocked to see the amount of hair on the floor while still sporting enough on my head to style.   I felt great!

One year ago - almost to the day - I was watching my hair fall to the floor.  I was pulling out hand falls - no, not 'pulling' but catching handfuls before they fell on my lap.   I was entering a new phase and becoming a cancer patient.

I am now back in the real world - hair cuts are part of that (my apologies to the follically challenged).   I'm not hiding behind the physical signs of cancer.   When I walk into the chemo clinic I don't look like a cancer patient and I walk in there with more confidence.

Hey! Don't come around here no more

Don't Come Around Here No More - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

I am slowly being released from care from my various care managers.    It brings a wonderful feeling of relief and a further sign of my recovery progress.   My week isn't completely structured by medical appointments and I can begin to move back into a normal routine.

Last week I said 'goodbye' by to my surgeon and his office staff.   They were probably the first involved in my cancer care once the lump was discovered.  They carried me through the ups and downs always with a smile and sense of humour.   I will miss the regular check-ins with them and their caring personalities.

Yesterday I got the send off from the ambulatory clinic.    These are the nurses that cared from my wounds following surgery.     Twice a week for almost 6 months they cleaned and dressed my wounds encouraging me each visit with the very slow but advancing recovery.   These nurses are very caring.   They have the time to spend with each of their patients and often get to know them very well through the ongoing treatment.    They are a vital service to help to maintain the health of individuals who need ongoing care and to keep those individuals out of the hospital.   I left their offices with a hug.   That doesn't happen every day.

Despite being happy not to have my week revolving around these ongoing appointments it is a bit scary to be released from their care.    Through ongoing check ups with them I had someone watching over me.    It provided me with some re-assurance that if there was any unusual progress in my healing that they would pick up on it.  Let's be honest, it's nice to have someone watching over you.

Now I'm being pushed out of the nest; ready to go solo once again.   I think I'm ready to spread my wings a bit.