Back in Time - Huey Lewis & the News
Through my treatment, my body has gone through many transitions and changes. Some days I felt like I getting older, slower and weaker but there was also a point in time when I really felt like I had been taken back to the past, to another day. Despite the less desirable side effects of treatment, it was a great period in this past year. I was taken back to when I was 11 or 12. Remember those days? Everything was easy - for the majority of us. There was simply nothing that would cause stress in our days. Well, there probably was, but it was usually fleeting.
For me the short step back in time were days when I had lost my hair and had completed my double mastectomy. No hair meant no bad hair days; no underarm or leg hair meant no shaving. My body stopped perspiring so no deodorant. With no breasts I didn't need a bra or have to worry about prominent nipple exposure. I could just throw on a t-shirt. I was already beyond having monthly periods and the hormone therapy assured me that it was permanent. To top it off, my skin looked great. Physically, I felt 12 again and it was wonderful!!
Slowly I am moving back to my well deserved 50+ years. But I keep with me a few souvenirs of my 12 year old life. My hair is returning - a nice, neat short style dappled with well earned grey and some eyebrows. My leg hair is returning which means I could shave - if I cared. The armpits are still bare and dry. This I hope won't change. I have discarded every bra-like product that I owned and found the most comfortable undershirts and yes, I have discovered a few clothing options for me in the youth department.
I have to think that in addition to a brief step back in time, I also gained a bit of wisdom. As we age we all gain the wisdom of 12 year olds. We re-learn to take life just a bit less seriously, to laugh more and to find joy in simple things; to just play for the sake of it. We learn to let go of those things that burden us, whether that's bad relationships, habits or just too much 'stuff'. Shut it all down and take yourself back there for a moment.
As I continue my healing I promise to recognize my current age and responsibilities but I will continue to carry my 12 year old self with me. I rather like her.
Fact for the day: Back in Time is from Back to the Future, filmed in 1985. In that movie, the 'future' highlighted was October 2015.