Whip It - Devo
When a problem comes along you must whip it.
Before the cream sits out too long you must whip it.
When something's going wrong you must whip it.
A year ago this week I walked out of my ultrasound appointment with enough information to assume that I had cancer and would likely have a long path of treatment ahead of me. Although I had not yet been formally diagnosed, I just knew it. It takes a while for things to sink in with me and this was my mind's way of preparing me for the journey.
At that moment I was in action. I had a problem before me and I was in action mode. Not running away or hiding from it but taking it full on. It wasn't going away and in fact not dealing with it would just jeopardize my chance of survival.
The first few months while I kept the news to myself I focused on me and what I needed to do to prepare for the rush that would come with the actual diagnosis and treatment. Those first few months of reflection helped to keep the calm through the storm to come. I needed first to come to peace with it before sharing it with others.
So when people ask me, 'how do you do it?' well, my highly technical response is ' you just do'. Nothing magic. When something comes along you must whip it. Take it full on. Taking each day as it comes; keeping focus off the ' what if' and 'why me' thoughts.
'Why me' comes up, but I turn that around to consider it a challenge. A recognition that I have the strength to deal with this diagnosis and all that comes with it. I feel stronger with the confidence that I have the capacity to take this on and turn it around and make something out of it. I think I'm well on the way to doing so.
So, wow - a year. Unbelievable. But 'a year' doesn't do it justice. 365 days is more fitting and appropriate. It wasn't one thing but something different each day - no feelings, side effects, emotions. I look fondly back on each of those days. Each one carried some special moments, memories or life lessons. Thinking back, sounds funny, but I wouldn't change a thing - diagnosis and all.
Problems come up in life and we can't pick which ones are presented to us. We just make the best of what we have and whip it good.
Wednesday, 26 November 2014
Tuesday, 18 November 2014
Oh, oh, oh I'm on fire
I'm On Fire - Bruce Springsteen
When I knew that I was going to go through radiation treatment, I thought - "no problem, it's a snap". I figured I could totally function when undergoing treatment and the side effects. Well, as it seems to be a theme - wrong again Lisa! To summarize what I experienced, radiation is like a long walk through a patch of poison ivy on a hot sunny day. You move through it unscathed other than slight fatigue but then a few days later you break out in itchy hives and rash. The sun burn breaks out. I can only imagine, never having gone through it but just let you imagination run wild.
I was warned that the side effects increase for the next two weeks following the end of treatment. And of course, the doctors were right - again!! So, two weeks after I was itchy, red and swollen. Basically, suffering from 2nd degree burns where I received the radiation. It felt, at times, like I was on fire. My body was worn out from fighting the assault and went into defense mode. Four weeks after the end of treatment I'm able to see how well my body can fight back. Things are looking up but I'll admit, it was not a fun couple weeks.
I hid out the first couple weeks to sleep it all off. The next week, after a check in with the radiologist that the swelling, redness and tightness was all normal, I rode out it out. Then it was a matter of just going with the flow, letting my skin peel, blister and turn to leather. Those with a weak stomach should ignore the next section.
Since I am still recovering from surgery as well, the skin on my mastectomy scars is still not fully healed. It's a bit more tender than the rest of the skin. As a result, it takes a more severe reaction Ok, all the 'queezies' have been warned. I ended up with a few small breaks in the skin along the scar line which then started to ooze and drip fluid. When I say drip, I mean soaking through bandages and gauze and clothing and running down my front. For those who have been pregnant before, it's the same effect of being in the room with a crying baby. Instant soak.
Ok, 'queezies' can now re-join, I'm through with the overly descriptive content. Not meaning to turn anyone off. Just trying to recap the events of the last weeks for my own benefit.
My body has now turned the corner. I think I'm now on the down slope. I'm going to ride through the rest of the healing and enjoy the ride. From here it just gets easier. The fire is out and I am starting to pick up on the little complaints of everyday life, minor colds, allergy effects, etc. Getting a glimpse of what 'normal' used to be.
When I knew that I was going to go through radiation treatment, I thought - "no problem, it's a snap". I figured I could totally function when undergoing treatment and the side effects. Well, as it seems to be a theme - wrong again Lisa! To summarize what I experienced, radiation is like a long walk through a patch of poison ivy on a hot sunny day. You move through it unscathed other than slight fatigue but then a few days later you break out in itchy hives and rash. The sun burn breaks out. I can only imagine, never having gone through it but just let you imagination run wild.
I was warned that the side effects increase for the next two weeks following the end of treatment. And of course, the doctors were right - again!! So, two weeks after I was itchy, red and swollen. Basically, suffering from 2nd degree burns where I received the radiation. It felt, at times, like I was on fire. My body was worn out from fighting the assault and went into defense mode. Four weeks after the end of treatment I'm able to see how well my body can fight back. Things are looking up but I'll admit, it was not a fun couple weeks.
I hid out the first couple weeks to sleep it all off. The next week, after a check in with the radiologist that the swelling, redness and tightness was all normal, I rode out it out. Then it was a matter of just going with the flow, letting my skin peel, blister and turn to leather. Those with a weak stomach should ignore the next section.
Since I am still recovering from surgery as well, the skin on my mastectomy scars is still not fully healed. It's a bit more tender than the rest of the skin. As a result, it takes a more severe reaction Ok, all the 'queezies' have been warned. I ended up with a few small breaks in the skin along the scar line which then started to ooze and drip fluid. When I say drip, I mean soaking through bandages and gauze and clothing and running down my front. For those who have been pregnant before, it's the same effect of being in the room with a crying baby. Instant soak.
Ok, 'queezies' can now re-join, I'm through with the overly descriptive content. Not meaning to turn anyone off. Just trying to recap the events of the last weeks for my own benefit.
My body has now turned the corner. I think I'm now on the down slope. I'm going to ride through the rest of the healing and enjoy the ride. From here it just gets easier. The fire is out and I am starting to pick up on the little complaints of everyday life, minor colds, allergy effects, etc. Getting a glimpse of what 'normal' used to be.
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