A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view

A Whole New World - Walt Disney's Aladdin, Alan Irwin Menken; Timothy Miles Bindon Rice

Now that I'm 12 weeks into chemo treatment I have discovered that I've settled into a new routine in my mornings; a new routine and a new normal.  It's funny how quickly we can develop new habits.   My physiotherapist once said that it takes 2 weeks to change a habit.    Well, it seems that every 2 weeks I adopt a new habit to add to my new routine so I guess I've been continually adopting for the past 12 weeks.

The old morning routine was to first check my hair in the mirror to determine whether a hair wash was a necessity.    If so, take a long, hot shower, moisturize, brush teeth, search the closet for something decent to wear to work and also walk through whatever weather I will face on the walk to work, run a comb through my hair, make a quick breakfast and go to work, returning 9 - 10 hours later.

My new routine now runs like this:   Wash my face, moisturize with extra sun block on face, neck ears, and scalp, brush teeth, pencil in eyebrows, dress in walking clothes, tie a fancy head scarf or throw on a toque depending on the temperature outside, make a fresh smoothie, catch up with the kids before they head off to work or school, head out for a walk with friends/dog or off to one of the doctors appointments/medical tests, then returning to nap in the afternoon.

More recently, I've recognized that whether I had a shower or not used to be driven by the state of my hair or whether I had just played soccer or run.   Now that I am bald and lacking hair on the rest of my body, my shower triggers have changed as well as the length of showers.    Think of it.  Most of the shower routine, at least for women, is spent on cleaning or removing hair.   Without it...showers time is drastically shortened.    Every now and then I find that I have to remind myself to have one.  

Another 'new' was buying 'running shoes'.   I had outrun my old pair and by their age could identify their whereabouts in the house based on their odor.   So time for a new pair.   Normally I would get something for long distance running whether I ran the miles or not it made me feel like I did if I wore the shoes.    This time, I came to the realization that I wasn't going to be running for the next few months at minimum so I was now looking for walking or hiking shoes.  I am no longer a 'runner'.   Well at least temporarily.

Having a weekly schedule is also quite difficult because just when I feel like I'm getting into a routine, I've finished my three week cycle and I'm due for a new treatment which then throws me back to the start of the last cycle only a bit more tired each time.   It's like starting over again every three weeks. It reminds me of the movie Ground Hog Day.   Waking up every three weeks to start the whole thing again.   Then put your little hand in mine, there ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb.   Babe, I got you Babe.      I Got You Babe - Sony & Cher 

Whooah, we're half way there.

Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi

Yeah!   My treatment number 4 finished.   I'm half way through the 8 treatments of chemo.   I should say that 'we' are half way through the treatments.   I am very pleased that the side effects that I have experienced have not been severe.  Well, I guess total hair loss may be considered severe but I have been able to be active and feeling somewhat normal.   Actually at times it seems a bit surreal to think that I am going through cancer treatment.  I guess I expected a bit more.  Hey but I'm not complaining.   I lose a day or so of energy each treatment but since I'm used to that I ramp things down the first week so let my body heal.

So now it's Time for a bit of celebrating.   A good dinner out with the kids or my 'houseslaves' as I foundly refer to them.   I have to wait until my interest in food returns.  Well, my interest in the good stuff like chocolate and wine.  Right now my body just wants simple fresh stuff...none of the fun stuff.

The next set of treatments are different drugs, one that will be given for 4 rounds and the other for a year.   Yup, a year- every 3 weeks.   This drug is specific to the chemical make up or the markers in my tumor.   I look at it as a good thing - getting a drug that has successful results for this tumor marker means my treatment itself will be more successful.    With every drug comes some sort of side effects - just watch an hour of American TV and you'll get a good 15 minutes listening to commercials filled with side effects of all the new trendy medications.  Everything will be monitored so no worries.  Continued exercise helps to ward off the side effects of the drugs.  Does that mean that if I spent more time hiking in the bush after my first treatment that I would not have lost my hair but looked more like a Yeti?

These next four treatments are also longer.  Instead of 2.5-3.0 hours in the chemo centre, I'll be there for 7-8 hours.    That means my Kobo, a bit of company; maybe a few naps.   The people in the clinic are fantastic and most are pretty chatty and quite open to sharing their stories.    The centre also has portable DVD players and a library for movies.  So, lots of options there.

Right now I will focus on the next 2.5 weeks, building energy, getting through my to do list, getting some project work done, hammock time, a few medical tests and enjoying what I hope will be lots of sunshine and warm.   Yes Franny - I'll be wearing sunscreen and a hat!!  :)

Thank you to each one of you for carrying me through these past 4+ months of treatment.  It would have been a rougher road without you.

Red-Headed Woman

Well, brunettes are fine, man
Blondes are fun
But, when it comes to getting the dirty job done.
I'll take a red-headed woman, a red-headed woman.
It takes a red-headed woman to get a dirty job done.

Red-headed woman - Bruce Springsteen

Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green

Jolene - Dolly Parton

I once again have hair on my head;  when I choose to.   The wig has arrived.    Funny but I've become so accustomed to being bald that having a full head of hair seems almost foreign to me.    This is going to take a bit of getting used to.     I don't yet see 'myself' with the wig.

I tried to replicate my early years of being a red-head; wiping away the decades of dulled, greying hair.    It still is not 'hair' to me.   Having never dyed it - this wig looks unnatural although I see lots of women around likely not going through cancer treatment who have the same hair colour - so I guess it will blend in.  

I'm not in love with it yet as I've heard others in their attachments to their wigs, but it has it's purpose.   As my daughter said to me that when she sees me in the wig it is very calming - she forgets that I have cancer.    So that in itself is key reason to wear the wig.    It gives us all a bit of a relief from the journey.    The kids can look on me as 'Mom' and not as 'sick Mom'.  A bit of a respite from the ups and downs.   When I am out of the house, I don't have to feel that everyone is assessing my head covering and trying to figure out whether there is any hair under it.  

With one solution comes another problem.   Since I don't have eyebrows or eyelashes - chemo drugs- any stray wig hair goes straight into my eyes.   Very annoying.

What's it feel like to wear a wig?   Well, I guess it's like wearing a light hat.   A bit breezier than a toque which is good now that the weather has warmed.   And it can let me step out of the cancer world for a few moments and just be 'normal' - lost in the crowd.